Hints of Light at the End of a VERY Long Tunnel

I'm starting to think it might actually happen. I really might be moving into my new house SOON. I only felt like this after my piano was moved in today. You are not really committed until your piano is living there. Here is a sneak peak.

Deja Vu

One of my least favorite places on earth is the Foothills hospital in Calgary. I really hate it there. It is an ugly cement edifice representing crushed hopes and dreams, and they make you pay $15 a day parking to boot. There is just something really unethical about THAT.

There are only about 6 people in the world that I would enter that nauseating building for again. My dad is one of them.

Last Sunday, after Reggie's ordination to the office of teacher in the Aaronic priesthood, my immediate family sat down in my parent's living room having some dessert. Suddenly,  my dad catapulted from his seat like a puppet, while his fork flew across the room. He had received a shock from his defibrillator. This, of course wasn't a new thing, considering he has myocardio myopathy (life threatening erratic heart rhythms). However, he began to be shocked about every 20 minutes. It is very painful. Other people pass out from the pain, but not my dad. Sometimes I wish he would pass out so he wouldn't feel it. 12 more shocks and an hour later he was in an ambulance on his way to the that place I hate. I followed the ambulance and tried not to think about the familiar roads I was taking and the doors I would be walking through shortly.

From start to finish there were 20 shocks. Pretty much unheard of in cardiac circles. They stabilized him with a slew of medications and he fell into an exhaustive sleep. Mom and I headed to the waiting room and began a fitful sleep in the same chairs I slept in 5 years previous.

It was surreal waking up that next day smelling that putrid antiseptic, listening to the oh so familiar beeps of the IVs, the squeak of the nurses shoes on the floor.  I don't know what you imagine your own personal hell to be, but mine is hospitals.

Without thinking, my feet guided me down the corridor to the cafeteria. I saw the same man there cooking food that I used to visit with everyday. He didn't remember me. I floated to the cash register and dropped coins into the hand that I had touch dozens of times. No smile of recognition. The same porters, the same doctors, the same cleaning staff......all swirled around me in a nightmarish deja vu.

Food tasted like dust on my tongue. I kept chewing, kept breathing, kept going through the motions I was supposed to in the company of someone I had to be strong for. I wouldn't allow myself to lose it.

Back in the room, Dad snapped me out of my haze. He was smiling. He was ok, for the time being, and that was all that mattered. I can do it for him. Whatever that may be.

I'm Back

So I almost gave up the blogging world. No time. Nothing important to say. Kind of want to be a hermit again. But..................a friend suggested that I continue so I will give a try for a bit longer.

When we came back from summer break we were in a staff meeting and our principal asked how everyone's summer was. He called on a colleague and friend of mine and without hesitation he said, "Well, my summer really sucked!" I think it really took him aback, but I almost laughed out loud because it was exactly what I was thinking.

Although it may not have been the ideal summer, I realize that all summers can't be good. If they were we would never have a GOOD summer because we would have nothing to compare it to. If it is all about relativity and comparison next summer is going to be SWEET!

It has kind of been a rough start up to the school year. Here are the things that are consuming me right now:

1. New teaching position (Grade 6--never taught it before)
2. Piloting new school wide reading program at school (Guess who is in charge)
3. Started a show choir at school
4. House, house, and more house
5. Financial stress
6. University of Alberta online classes
7. Young Women's ( Why not be the president?)
8. Several good friends in crisis situations
9. My kids and the things they are struggling with right now.


Here are some good things:

1. Cooper loves school this year and isn't crying every night about going.
2. My parents have been absolute ROCK STARS in helping me with the kids while I have been gone so much.
3. Nobody is sick or injured in my family right now.
4. Reg kicked butt at his first Cross Country Meet.
5. Marin LOVES junior high and has finally got over her extreme shyness
6. Things are back on schedule with the house
7. We are having the most beautiful autumn that I can ever remember.
8. I'm getting a new Honda next week!

Here are some updated house picts:

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Summer, please come soon

I'm still waiting for summer holidays to begin. School has been out for a while, but my plate didn't empty. As soon as school let out, it was off to Young Women's Camp. It was a great time. I love the girls, and I love the women I work with. There was no complaining. It was kind of a miracle actually.
Just before I left on camp I got a text from my framer about Nightmare on Sugar Street. That is what I have decided to call my house project now, because my street IS ACTUALLY called Sugar Street.

The crane truck had come out all the way from Lethbridge to hang the roof trusses and a crew of 8 was ready to really get some work done that day. After trying to hang the first truss, it was apparent that there was a screw up with the trusses. TOO BIG. All the garage ones were totally messed. This did not sit well with my framer or me to put it mildly. I was ready to throw in the towel that day. My framer admitted that he had never seen so many things go wrong on one build project. Thanks for sharing, because I was already feeling great about things.

I have decided that I have been beat and I am turning over the general contracting to someone else. My mental health can't handle it any more. To make matters worse, it would take a couple of days to fix the truss problem and the crane truck couldn't come out again until Monday. SO............I had a full week of NOTHING going on, no progress whatsoever. Did I also mention that this was the first 5 day stretch since I started that there has been no rain. Perfect.

This week I also had some dear friends who stopped in to visit for a few hours. They had flown in from Ottawa to see the stampede and they took a large detour to come down and see Waterton National Park and to visit me. It was so great to see them. My friend has the same type of leukemia that Cam had and that is actually how we became friends. She was such a support to Cam. Love her and her husband.

After their visit, I drove 6 hours to Edmonton to the Adolescent Literacy Summer Institute at the University of Alberta. I arrived at midnight in the pouring rain with only one windshield wiper working.

The conference was very informative and I got to visit quite a bit with a couple of teachers from my division who are really fun and interesting people. I also found out at the institute what I have really signed on for. What was sold to me as a great PD opportunity is actually a Master's program in disguise. However, you don't get any university credit for it. The people who were in it last year said it was WAY more work than they thought, and they didn't want us going in blind like they did. There are every other week 2 hour webinars, heavy reading assignments, and action research assignments to be conducted in my classroom. Yay for me. Well, my old plan was to get my masters, so I guess this will have to do. All complaints aside, it will be a great chance to learn from leading literacy professors across North America and network with some very talented people.

The last big event of the week was summer games soccer. Marin's team got pummeled and were out of the running quickly. Reggie's team was the favorite to win the gold, and we fully expected them to. We won the first three games handily and then the wheels started to come off. After a heartbreaking loss that would have led us to the gold medal game, we settled for trying to win bronze.

After a full day of non-stop soccer in 30 degree weather, these kids were SPENT. It was a hard fought battle and the game ended in a tie. We headed to over time. If the over time still resulted in a tie, we would go to a shoot out. The shoot out was looking like our best chance to win, as we have an amazing goalie and some very strong kickers. The other team's goalie was mediocre at best. 10 seconds to go to end the over time and our defenseman got a hand ball in the penalty area. When this happens, the opposing team gets a penalty shot, which is from very close range. The goalie must stay on the goal line until the ball is kicked, and there is no assistance or interference from any other players. They sent their best player forward, and he blasted a bullet kick into the right corner to score. Hysteria ensued from the opposing fans. We still had, however, 10 seconds on the clock. We made the kick off and everyone rushed to the opposing team's net to score including our goalie. A beautiful, high cross shot was executed and our forward launched into the air to head it in. He missed. Time was up.

As most of you know, I am a very competitive person. After sitting in the hot sun all day and screaming my fool head off I wanted a win. I was ticked. I expected everyone else to be to. To my amazement, Reggie's coach, who is equally competitive, I might add, brought the team together for a pep talk and a cheer. Some how she got smiles on their faces. Some how she made them feel like they were still winners. To end the last game of the year, she lined the team up horizontally across the field, facing the parents and walked toward us. When they got to us the team cheered for the parents who had been supporting them throughout the season. I was taught a very good lesson. It had nothing to do with winning. It had everything to do with building character in kids. She is a rock star in my book and I feel so fortunate to have Reggie in her midst.

Today was my nephew's mission farewell. This farewell was especially hard on me. Sam was 6 months old when I came into the Williams' family picture. I have known him pretty much his whole life. Out of everyone in the Williams family, he is the most like Cam. I hate the thought of losing my little piece of Cam for two years, but I am so glad he has the chance to serve the Lord and grow his testimony. He is such a great example for my kids.

Hopefully, my summer vacation will begin this week. I am heading out camping with my family and I hope a lot of reading, hiking, and fishing will be on the menu.

Lately...........

I feel like this picture is an accurate representation of my life lately. It is hard to know where to begin. All I know is that a lot of things are in a mess.

My house is a mess, my desk is a mess, my vehicles are a mess, my yard is a mess, my schedule is a mess, my build project....you guessed it......a mess.

A couple of weeks ago my principal showed this video at staff meeting of this kid in a cross country running race. He was about 20 meters away from the finish line when he collapsed with exhaustion. The coach rushed to his aid, but he waved him off and indicated that he would finish the race unassisted. Summoning all the strength he had left, he began to crawl. Runner after runner passed him by and finished the race. He fell several more times, but kept getting back up and crawled across the finish line. I was in tears as the video played because that was me. That IS me. I'm still crawling. I hope I make it across the finish line in four days time when school ends.

I haven't blogged lately because I been struggling lately and was afraid that a blog entry might release a tidal wave of self pity. I'm trying to stay positive, so I've stayed silent. I can feel that tidal wave emerging now so I'm going to just post a few picts of some fun things in the last few weeks and call it good.

The kids and I were asked to be the torch runners for the Cardston Kids Marathon. So fun! 

Reg, Coop, and I all ran in the Cardston Family Fun Run 5km race together. Amazingly, we all got first in our categories, and Reggie (AKA the MACHINE) was the first one in overall. It was my first run after the broken toe incident so I felt pretty good about it.

                                                                                                                                  

Presented the 2012 Cam Williams Memorial Award to Savannah Hunter. What an awesome kid.

Team Orange went UNDEFEATED at the final tournament!

Walls, upstairs rooms, and some downstairs rooms are framed.

May Long and Other Adventures

I did a really dumb thing last week. I broke my toe. Really not the smartest thing to be doing when you are training for a half marathon that is a week away. I wish I'd broken it in a more glamorous way like booting a soccer ball, or getting stepped on with a cleat, but no, it was pure clumsiness. In the middle of the night I got up to close a window. Instead of walking around the bed to get back in I thought I would do this flying leap over to my side of the bed. Seemed good in theory. I guess I'm not as limber in the wee hours of the night because I whacked my toe right into the corner of my hope chest at the the foot of my bed. The pain took my breath away and it throbbed for the rest of the night. I hope that it was just a bad bang but when the next couple of days revealed swelling, a black toe, and no ability to bend it, I knew my half marathon hopes were over.

I could just kick myself. Just four days before I had done a 12 mile run with my running partner and we were really feeling ready. Instead I ended up running an aid station and wiping away tears as I watched my running partner zoom by. I don't do very well as a spectator. It killed me to not be in that race with so many of my colleagues. It just sucked. PERIOD.

I've been really careful with it and I'm hoping to be in good form for the upcoming family fun run in mid June.

Reggie kicked at his track meet this year. He finally has figured out where his talents lie, and was smart with his event choices.  Last year he signed up for shot put. Yup, that's right SHOT PUT. Reggie and I are pretty much built the same. I told him, "Reg, have you looked at our arms? People like us don't do shot put." To spite me, he still got fourth, beating out kids who outweighed him by 40 pounds.

This year he went in long jump, triple jump, 800m, and 1500m. He got first in all of them. The best moment was when he did his last long jump and beat my standing school record. He was so happy and so was I. It was a memorable mother-son moment. (Technically, my record still stands because he is a boy ; )

For the May long weekend we braved the weather and decided to go camping in Waterton. There were a few sunny moments that we took advantage of. The kids love camping no matter what kind of weather there is.  We did a short hike to Bertha Falls. Another dumb decision on my part. I wanted to test out my toe, and it killed afterward. My sister and her family, my mom and dad, and my brother in law and his family were there as well. It was a nice change of scenery.

 

 

House progress has been non-existent, as I have been at the mercy of my contractors and the weather. I don't really like to talk to much about it, because it makes me too mad. They say they are coming to start framing Wednesday. I'm not getting my hopes up though. I'll only get excited when there are actual hammers and nails flying up there.

All three kids are playing on the summer games soccer teams. It has kind of spun our schedule out of control. My calendar has no white space left to write in. I suppose it is a good thing though. I would rather having them super busy than sitting at home vegetating or bugging each other.

June go quickly!

Mother's Day

I've never felt like I've been a very good mother. Parenting weaknesses abound and patience often runs thin. I distinctly remember saying to Cam, "I could never be a single parent. I think I would check into the nut house in no time flat." Well...........about that.............It is pretty scary to think how close I have come to checking into the nut house sometimes. There is definitely a reason families are supposed to be made up of a mom and a dad.

When half of the equation is cut out it is hard. Very hard. I don't really have the skill set to be a successful single parent. However, some compensatory blessing make it possible to keep going when the slogging is tough. One of these bonus blessings is the children I have been given to raise. Although they are far from perfect, they are perfect for me. They teach me so much. I feel so lucky to be a mother to THEM.

Cooper sneaked into my bed at about 2:30 AM as he often does. Usually he continues to slumber while I get up and get ready. Today though I heard him awake and check the clock. After seeing it, he leaped from the bed and began dashing out of the room. He thundered downstairs organizing the rest of the troops and shouting orders. Although the attempt to keep the noise to a minimum was duly noted, there was a lot of pot clanging, drawers slamming, and timers dinging, interspersed with a lot of SHHHH BE QUIET! SHE'S GOING TO HEAR US!  The breakfast parade then descended upon my room with Coop leading the way, beaming. After making sure I ate every morsel of my food, they begged to bring in the Mother's Day gifts before we started getting ready for church.

The high point of the day for me was Reggie's talk in church. He did it all on his own last night while I was out watching 'The Avengers'.  (Didn't really like it, but that is a post for another time). It is so weird to see your kid standing in front of a large audience competently speaking about you. I tried not to get emotional and make a fool of myself on the stand, but it was hard to hold back tears. I had the revelation that maybe I am doing a couple of things right and the sacrifices I make are noticed.

Motherhood is often unsung, less than glamourous, and very, very exhausting, but the rewards are out of this world.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you!

Missing in Action

Well, I guess I deserve the prize for the most inconsistent blogger ever. Life has been so crazy that I just haven't found a moment to jot anything down. The other annoying thing is I think my phone was stolen, so all the fun pictures that I would have had to post are POOF! I was pretty ticked at first, but I am loving the new iphone I bought.

Where do I begin............How about with some categories?

House

Basement is done!  It is all completed and ready to begin framing. The problem is my framers got behind on their other job and now my framing job can't start until May 23. Boooooo! So frustrating. Road is done, and not without some major miracles. There as been a long standing disagreement with the Town of Cardston and I about this road. I thought they should be contributers, as it is a town road, and they thought I should foot the whole bill. Finally, I called up the mayor and the town admin and had them meet me and Dad up at the build site. We emphatically explained our case and asked for some concessions. They said they would see if council would pass them. A few days go by and I was standing there teaching my grade 7  class when I looked out my window and saw dump truck after dump truck heading to my property. I dashed up there after school to find out that the town agreed to pay for the grader operating cost, donate 26 truck loads of clay, and haul it in to boot! Miracles I tell you! Soooooo happy about that. That being said I do need to say that general contracting my own house was pretty much the stupidest decision that I have EVER made. Definitely over rated my abilities on that one. Basically, I have aged at least 10 years since the process started , taking at least that much time off my life span.  I just want a break from being in charge of every little thing. It would have been so nice to share this process with my best friend.

School

I have had some very stressful decisions to make in the last few weeks regarding school. First the vice-principal position came up at my school and several people encouraged me to apply. I hmmmed and hawed for many days and then decided it was not my season to do that kind of thing.

Then another opportunity presented itself to transfer to the High School. It is so hard to make a decision when both options have positives. I decided to stay put, which will have me teaching something completely new--grade 6 and a choral class. Big time stretching for me as I have been in a comfortable place for several years.

Other Stuff

Soccer season is in full swing. I decided to coach Marin's team this year, which has me coaching two nights a week. All together we have soccer three nights a week. The kids are loving it, but it a is mach speed life. I finally got my favorite color (orange) for my team color this year and I think it is a good omen. My players are trying to convince me to call our team the School Bus so that they can yell a chant at the other team each game, "We'll take you to school!" They are so funny. Today we were able to get outside and play some ball. I bet I pitched at least 100 pitches in the back yard. The kids never tire of it. Then it was on to some kids against mom soccer. After taking the lead, Mar says to me, "Mom, if you are going to play adult soccer you'd better step it up. I mean, you've got to me able to beat kids,". Touche!

Pinch Me!

As you may have noticed, I have been a terrible blogger lately.  My general contracting "job" has been taking over MY ENTIRE LIFE AND MIND SPACE.  Seriously, it has been pretty stressful. I probably wouldn't do it if I had to do it over again, but I am committed, so I am going to see it through.

Us trying out our new living space

 

The view from my future deck

The events worth celebrating this week are the excavation and the pouring of the footings which were done today. It is finally real. It was hard to believe I was really doing this until I saw those footings.  My biggest job right now is to pray away the rainy weather that is supposed to be coming at the end of this week.

In addition to all the house stuff, Marin had surgery on Wednesday.  She had to get her adenoids out as well as tubes put in her ears. Both of us hate hospitals for obvious reasons. I hate how they all smell the same, no matter which one you are at. I hate that smell is the strongest evoker of memory.

She was so terrified. It is so hard to see your kid like that. At one point as we were walking down the hallway to the surgery waiting place she said, "Mom, I'm not doing this," and started to run away. Luckily, I am quick on my feet.  I had to keep a firm arm on her for the rest of the trip to the waiting room. Oddly, once she found out that she could get her IV after she was put to sleep she was totally at ease. Everything went well and she was out in no time. The recovery from the anesthesia burned up the rest of the day though.

 


We are glad it is all over to say the least. We aren't going anywhere for Easter break this year. The kids were a bit bummed but they understand that we have to sacrifice a bit for the new house. My sister and her husband are in Hawaii so helping my mom and dad take care of her kids is breaking the monotony up a bit.

I'm just grateful for the sleep in days. I have been running on empty way to long.

Pictures of the footings are below:

 

Rocket Speed

I think I have finally come to accept that my life only operates on one speed, and that is ROCKET SPEED. I need to stop expecting it to slow down. I need to stop expecting free time and just deal with the fact that there is always something major going down, or a whack load of minor things going down, all at the same time. This week was no different.

Highlights:

* 5 suits all in my classroom at the same time. The superintendent, the deputy superintendent, a big wig professor from the U of L, the principal, and the vice. Nice, really nice. Of course the kids and I act completely normal when they are wandering around the room. Ha!

*More house problems. Site plan had to be tweaked. The person I never thought I would be dealing with again........yep, will be dealing with him again this week to get the tweak approved. Lumber quotes still not done from the people who said they would have them done. Still waiting for three contractor quotes, and hoping beyond all hope that I don't go over budget. My awesome cousin Ty helped officially stake out the house for excavation. So grateful for his help, time, and expertise.

*Early mornings. Monday- Marin early morning choir. Tuesday- Coop early morning choir. Wednesday- Marin early morning choir. Thursday- Reg early morning badminton try out. Friday- early morning staff meeting. Did I mention I'm not really a morning person?

*Badminton tryouts. Reg kind of had a major meltdown during one of the try outs and left before it was over. He has kind of of a bad temper at times when it comes to sports, which he probably got from me. I told him that my kids would not be quitters. I made him apologize to the coach and beg to come back to the next try out. He was pretty ticked at me but now he is glad he is continuing. Why can't kids realize that mom is ALWAY right ; ) ?

*Went and saw the Lorax with the kids on Friday night. It was the only way I could convince them to come to Lethbridge with me while I sneaked in a visit to Challenger Building Supplies. It was pretty good. 3D movies are not my favorite. Too much going on for me, but the kids loved it and recited lines and laughed all the way home.

*Saturday morning we did some more fence removal and house staking. Then, in the afternoon I took the kids and my two nieces snowboarding. Conditions weren't the greatest, but man was it warm. Sure hope that was not the last run of the season.

*Daylight savings kicked my butt. Going to church at what feels like 8am is not the most pleasant thing in the world, especially when you waited until late Saturday night to prepare your Young Women's lesson.

Blast of to a new week of adventures in T minus 8 hours!

Yeah, My Dad's Awesome Like That

Two of my favorite guys

I know maybe I have sung my dad's praises before, but I just can't stop from doing it again. My dad and I have always been tight, but lately we have been best buds. This house thing might have something to do with that. I mean, who else could enjoy talking nonstop with me about the price of drywall, lumber package quotes, and traditional heating vs geothermal?

The kids are getting a little perturbed because every time we get together we get into hours long conversations about the above mentioned topics. Obviously, the world doesn't know how freaking awesome he is or he would hold special status, or at least have a holiday named after him. Remember how when you were little you thought your dad knew about everything and could do practically anything? Well, I'm 36 and I still believe that because it is true. You just won't find a person as kind, selfless, hardworking, and humble as my dad. Here is a recount of his awesomeness this week:

*Helped Coop build his cub car.
*Came over several times to talk house.
*Took off work early to Lethbridge with me to meet with the geothermal guy and price out lumber packages.
*Made the most delicious chicken noodle soup and let us have some.
*Worked with me to take out fencing on the building site.

Love my dad!!!!!

A Small Victory

Never thought a small piece of paper could make me so happy. After six months of pure frustration with the Town of Cardston, I finally have my development permit! I didn't really think I would get it going into the office yesterday, but I asked if I had finally met all their ridiculous requirements and he said yes. I was stunned. I was so used to having to go and do one more thing.

Tentatively, I asked if I could get the permit today. He said yes, I could, but it would take a half an hour of paperwork, and was I sure I really wanted to get it now, and why are you in such a rush, and you know you only have 90 days to begin development, and there is a good chance the weather will be bad, and all kinds of other garbage to talk me out of it. I firmly say YES.  He rolled his eyes and sighed, but began the paper work.

Let's such say it was a long and uncomfortable 25 minutes where no words were uttered. Let's just say that after everything that has gone on in the last few months my relationship with this person is a little strained. It ended with me handing over my debit card and him signing the permit. I snatched it and dashed out of there before he had a chance to change his mind.

One of the perks of this small victory is that I will never (I think) have to deal with this guy again. He also told me that I probably wouldn't get my house done in a year. What I have to say to that is WATCH ME!

Fun Trip

Even though it started rather horrifically, we had a fantastic 3-day ski/snowboard trip to Kalispell. A while back my brother in law signed us up to stay at the Meadow Lake Resort near Whitefish. It was a good deal, but of course you had to listen to their time share pitch. I have never had the pleasure of sitting in on one of those so I was hoping I could be strong.

Upon arriving we were handed an info packet that stated we were to attend the 2 hour sales pitch at 9AM. Because skiing was going to be our primary activity, we asked the management to switch our time. And THAT's when the wheels fell off the wagon. In a few short minutes they made it quite clear that we were not allowed to switch our time to ANY OTHER TIME, and that we were getting a good deal, and that they were doing us a big favor, and that WE were being unreasonable, and a whole lot of other garbage. We didn't want to miss half a ski day just to listen to those clowns.

Don began to get a little steamed, as did I. Pretty soon we were in an almost shouting match trying to get our point across to these numb skulls. I have never experienced such horrible customer service in my entire life. We booked another hotel and got the h.... out of there. I am sounding the alarm to everyone far and wide--NEVER, EVER, STAY AT MEADOW LAKE RESORT no matter how good of a deal you think you are getting.

Whew. After that little incident, everything was awesome. We stayed at La Quinta which the kids love. We have never been there when we haven't had the pool and hot tub to ourselves. It is cheap and they also throw in breakfast. The first day we skiied at Blacktail, which is a fun little, family friendly mountain south of Kalispell. It is super cheap and very family friendly.

The next day we skiied Big Mountain at Whitefish. No so good of a deal, but I have never seen so much snow on a ski hill. It was unbelievable. Cooper would crash and he would go right out of sight under the powder. Falling was like landing on a marshmallow. The kids even convinced me to take a few of the jumps along with them, and amazingly I didn't kill myself. I almost felt young for an afternoon. Can't wait to go back there again. My new favorite find in Kalispell is the Bahio restaurant. Mexican food is a favorite of mine, and this restaurant did not disappoint. Such good food and so much of it.

The ride home was a little sketchy from Marias pass on. The roads were horrible and visibility was almost non-existent. However, after my brush with death on the Duck Lake road last year at this same time, I hardly bat an eye anymore.

Now it is back to reality and on to teacher's convention on Thursday and Friday.

P.S. Could someone please do something about this weather. I really want to dig my basement. Thank you in advance.