WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by Emily Perl Kingsley
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
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Back in my fairy tale years I overheard a woman talking about me at work. "She just has it all. I would just love to have her life. There must be some kind of vice she has. She probably doesn't floss." At first I was mad. But then I laughed because she had absolutely no idea what was going on with me and who I really was. I laugh harder now because I wonder if she still wants to trade lives now. Ha.
Sometimes when get down I think, the life of Coralee really leaves a lot to be desired. But, as my friend reminded me, there are many wonderful things about my Holland that the people in Italy don't have. I need to recognize and celebrate those things every day and realize that I really and truly am very blessed.
So here is the list. Here are the things that are great to appreciate about my Holland that maybe many other people don't get to enjoy.
1. My kids
They are healthy, they are smart, they are spunky. I get to be their whole world.
2. My parents
My folks are two of the most remarkable people on the planet. You will never find people more selfless, kind, and compassionate people than my parents.
3. My friends
I am surrounded by incredible people who love me, listen to me, make me laugh, take care of me, and pray for me.
4. My education and job
I have two university degrees which provide me with a way to support my family. Many people in my position are not so lucky. The icing on the cake is that I LOVE my job. Can't believe I get paid to do it!
5. My body
For the time being, I have a body that can do most everything that I want it to. I have no health concerns. I can't remember the last time I had to take medication for anything. I can run, jump, bike, hike, swim, and play with my kids to my heart's content.
6. My town
The Rocky Mountains can be viewed right out my bedroom window every day. The air where I live is clean. I have more than 3 feet of space between my house and my neighbors. I know practically everyone here. I don't spend more than two minutes in my car to get to the places I want to go.
I know that Jesus Christ lives and that because of him Cam will live again, as will I. I know that families are eternal. I know why I am here. I know where I am going. How lucky am I?
What's awesome about your Holland?
5 comments:
Cor i' m sitting here sobbing. Sometimes we feel we don' t deserve the holland we have but when we can look around and see what we do have and for that moment it's not so bad. I have always loved this analogy because we all have our trials and as much as it hurts there are so many blessings around us, I have cried many tears for my small trial compared to what you have had to go through. But everyday I look around me and see these four little faces around me and I wouldn't trade the hurt for that not being able to be their mother and someday because I to believe that all will be alright. You are amazing, strong and an inspiration to so many. Thanks so much for this post.
You are such a good writer. I love reading your posts. The rain makes me wish I was in Italy and not in Holland.
It is amazing to me how you continue to rise to the occasion. You living your life gives me permission to live mine more fully. My Holland so overwhelming great right now that it is a little scary!
Cor - as always you have put things into such a beautiful perspective. I am so grateful to be one of your friends.
Coralee, I can't say it enough I love the way you put your words together, make sense and say it just the way it is. I love your blog!
This Holland Story has become my Life's Theme as of the last few years and I've learned a lot in my own personal Holland, found a whole lot of awesome and discovered that dwelling on all thats' wonderful and beautiful in "Holland" makes for a much happier, productive, optimistic person.
And just for the record, I've also always thought the world of your parents, too!!
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